Literally…

Hello and welcome to “These Expressions Make No Sense.”

To me.

Because I take them literally. Because I love words.

 I do understand what these expressions are supposed to mean. I have read the various historical, biblical, cultural, etc. references. So, I (politely) ask you to refrain from ‘splaining me on this. Just sit back, relax, and read. I am having a little fun here.

 A person is the “salt of the earth.” When you salt the earth, you wreak havoc on most plants. Basically, you poison them. Who would want to be known as “salt of the earth?”

 “That’s like comparing apples to oranges.” Really? The comparisons are so many… why would you use this expression to mean the comparison is difficult? Both are fruits. Both grow on trees in orchards, in backyards and commercially. Both can be made into juice or eaten out of hand. (Also: Calvados. Triple Sec.)

 “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Of course, you should put your eggs in one basket! When you’re going out to the henhouse to gather these eggs, you need a free hand. In one hand is the basket—where you will place ALL the eggs. The other hand is used to open the nesting box door, carefully remove the eggs, place them in the basket, and close the door. If you put the eggs in two baskets, you would not have a free hand.

 “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Not really. There is a particular method/ order to skin an animal. If you don’t want to know, do not read on. (And by the way, I am a life-long cat-lover and would never skin one.) Place the body on a flat surface. Cut from the anus to the lower lip, and up the legs of the animal. The skin is then opened and removed from the animal. The final step is to scrape the excess fat and flesh from the inside of the skin with a blunt stone or bone tool.

“You can never have too many black dresses.” Believe me, you can.

 Now it’s your turn. What expressions don’t make sense to you?